Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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