I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
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the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
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When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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