addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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