it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
