I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
