I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
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