wat bout pragnant strippers??
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
