he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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