i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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