put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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