So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
