I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
