It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
