do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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