So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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