if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
