To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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