I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
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Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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