You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
