do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
