the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets