Texts From Last Night

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  (303): View more from Colorado

  his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy

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  (303): his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy http://tfl.nu/u5b8
  Replies (51) Good night (8347) Bad night (1632)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.

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  (757): Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you. http://tfl.nu/fb35
  Replies (24) Good night (1768) Bad night (5323)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot

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  (770): i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot http://tfl.nu/xdnv
  Replies (27) Good night (7124) Bad night (1328)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.

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  (250): My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part. http://tfl.nu/8pmc
  Replies (11) Good night (1183) Bad night (3382)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.

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  (917): My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table. http://tfl.nu/qx0a
  Replies (4) Good night (4033) Bad night (801)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.

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  (954): FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today. http://tfl.nu/1con
  Replies (13) Good night (3610) Bad night (1180)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.

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  (705): You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden. http://tfl.nu/3tyu
  Replies (11) Good night (1923) Bad night (1111)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick

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  (204): she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick http://tfl.nu/7rr6
  Replies (5) Good night (993) Bad night (2156)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover

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  (203): im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover http://tfl.nu/eh7g
  Replies (1) Good night (1569) Bad night (659)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?

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  (508): wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer? http://tfl.nu/zgl0
  Replies (11) Good night (1292) Bad night (776)
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  (760): View more from California

  Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.

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  (760): Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now. http://tfl.nu/d97x
  Replies (6) Good night (684) Bad night (1560)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.

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  (304): Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad. http://tfl.nu/m6pm
  Replies (5) Good night (1614) Bad night (494)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.

  (1-940): View more from Texas

  Why don't we hang out more often?

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  (940): I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2. (1-940): Why don't we hang out more often? http://tfl.nu/7whw
  Replies (8) Good night (1180) Bad night (472)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.

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  (715): I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt. http://tfl.nu/rg1l
  Replies (4) Good night (1274) Bad night (348)
• Favorite

  (830): View more from Texas

  Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?

  (210): View more from Texas

  Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine

  (830): View more from Texas

  drunken problem solving at its finest

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  (830): Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra? (210): Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine (830): drunken problem solving at its finest http://tfl.nu/2c5e
  Replies (2) Good night (1054) Bad night (301)

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