Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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