Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(859): View more from Kentucky

I feel like death. Did you die last night?

(305): View more from Florida

Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!

(859): View more from Kentucky

unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus

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(859): I feel like death. Did you die last night? (305): Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta! (859): unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus http://tfl.nu/lgid

Replies (8) Good night (2093) Bad night (536)
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(214): View more from Texas

I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.

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(214): I wish you were here to vomit in your hand. http://tfl.nu/my7z

Replies (4) Good night (600) Bad night (1877)
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(916): View more from California

If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes

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(916): If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes http://tfl.nu/yckh

Replies (14) Good night (776) Bad night (3190)
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(630): View more from Illinois

They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.

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(630): They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today. http://tfl.nu/t7wc

Replies (18) Good night (4573) Bad night (506)
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(425): View more from Washington

we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside

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(425): we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside http://tfl.nu/0lr5

Replies (26) Good night (5354) Bad night (673)
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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.

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(715): I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that. http://tfl.nu/f05r

Replies (7) Good night (1322) Bad night (5394)
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(503): View more from Oregon

I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..

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(503): I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus.. http://tfl.nu/6jqk

Replies (12) Good night (1067) Bad night (3627)
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(204): View more from Manitoba

Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god

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(204): Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god http://tfl.nu/wk7v

Replies (33) Good night (1347) Bad night (3294)
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(228): View more from Mississippi

Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.

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(228): Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park. http://tfl.nu/g3vi

Replies (11) Good night (1625) Bad night (1318)
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(757): View more from Virginia

Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.

(1-757): View more from Virginia

I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?

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(757): Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse. (1-757): I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic? http://tfl.nu/c2pk

Replies (9) Good night (3091) Bad night (648)
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(307): View more from Wyoming

he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.

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(307): he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back. http://tfl.nu/n0f2

Replies (21) Good night (555) Bad night (1911)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.

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(732): Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train. http://tfl.nu/hytn

Replies (4) Good night (845) Bad night (397)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.

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(717): Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together. http://tfl.nu/4ceo

Replies (6) Good night (1349) Bad night (378)
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(315): View more from New York

Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok

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(315): Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok http://tfl.nu/1uoa

Replies (1) Good night (464) Bad night (856)
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(205): View more from Alabama

You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.

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(205): You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food. http://tfl.nu/oef6

Replies (11) Good night (980) Bad night (353)

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