One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i think i have two assholes
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.