Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
We got so high we made milksteak
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
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i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
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Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.