When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.