Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  i jhust puked up my retainher.

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  (313): i jhust puked up my retainher. http://tfl.nu/zdlf
  Replies (3) Good night (805) Bad night (1379)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.

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  (360): Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song. http://tfl.nu/h927
  Replies (26) Good night (6375) Bad night (740)
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  (760): View more from California

  i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous

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  (760): i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous http://tfl.nu/sccn
  Replies (25) Good night (788) Bad night (5322)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.

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  (860): you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance. http://tfl.nu/1cpz
  Replies (16) Good night (8601) Bad night (1482)
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  (315): View more from New York

  you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.

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  (315): you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast. http://tfl.nu/j66a
  Replies (8) Good night (3179) Bad night (1135)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.

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  (201): Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them. http://tfl.nu/ciek
  Replies (20) Good night (3220) Bad night (1054)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...

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  (860): I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat... http://tfl.nu/q3ep
  Replies (5) Good night (1610) Bad night (692)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.

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  (423): There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears. http://tfl.nu/uyth
  Replies (3) Good night (1260) Bad night (630)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.

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  (484): I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight. http://tfl.nu/pgss
  Replies (5) Good night (1506) Bad night (752)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.

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  (701): She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere. http://tfl.nu/am2w
  Replies (3) Good night (2340) Bad night (533)
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up 

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  (865): I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up  http://tfl.nu/ojbn
  Replies (3) Good night (894) Bad night (517)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.

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  (773): He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date. http://tfl.nu/geei
  Replies (5) Good night (500) Bad night (1463)
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  (619): View more from California

  I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever

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  (619): I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever http://tfl.nu/mt31
  Replies (5) Good night (1093) Bad night (396)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.

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  (602): Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry. http://tfl.nu/s7rw
  Replies (4) Good night (411) Bad night (873)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.

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  (336): After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me. http://tfl.nu/f6sp
  Replies (1) Good night (521) Bad night (182)

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