I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
17 People Reveal The Reasons Behind Their Foot Fetish
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??