he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers