no. you can't hotbox the world.
I checked into jail on foursquare
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
