I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
