I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
