The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
