I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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