at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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