i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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