dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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