I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
