I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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