he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
