I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
