she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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