is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
