capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
