remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
