I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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