I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
