Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
