He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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