Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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