i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
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so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
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Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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