her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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