god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
