I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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