I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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