It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
