I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i drank out of a bidet.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
