glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
