why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
