They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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