I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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