Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
