I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
