You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
