The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
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I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
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if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up