Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"