When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
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this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
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Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night