She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
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I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
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Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth